Sunday, August 30, 2015

Triggers

Anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays;    songs on the radio and people holding hands;    bare feet and bento boxes;    comic books and computers;    mountain views and Marble Slab;    tech problems and toe socks;    pizza and pigtails;     road trips and radio announcers;    foodies and kung fu movies;    Garden of the Gods and the Appalachian Trail;    Middle Earth and mid-century moderns;    German Chocolate and Irish Wolfhounds;    video games and novels;    Kaiser Soze and classic cars;    silly hats and sock puppets;    anime and movies with explosions;    Star Trek and Sunday brunch;    Cowboy Mouth and cooking shows;    inside jokes and internet memes;    penguins and mouse ears;    running without scissors and laughing with abandon;    late night talks and lazy afternoons;    empty bed and empty arms;    the past;    the future...

You are everywhere, so why can't I find you anywhere?


I love you Daniel.


Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Battle Lines

My ears hear my mouth saying that we are ok.  It says how lucky we were to have Daniel for 13 1/2 amazing years and that some people never get to experience in a lifetime what we had for that short, blissful period.  My head nods as my brain agrees completely.  

But my heart is screaming, "NO!  It was not enough... there should have been more time."  My eyes must agree, because they fill up at the thought. 

My heart considers my hands traitors as they to go through the day to day tasks of living- brushing my teeth and driving to work.  They are conspiring with my feet to keep going from day to day.

But my arms are not aligned with them.  They would be fighting alongside my heart if they weren't so depressed from being empty for too long.

My chest and throat are allies with my heart and tighten up in failed attempts catch my breath, that disloyally continues to move in and out.

My soul just sits by staring, like a sad little girl looking forlornly out the window waiting for her best friend to come walking back home.

I love you Daniel.  Today we would be celebrating your birthday.