Missing Love Actually

I'm not a superstitious person.  I haven't read my horoscope since I was in my teens.  When I see a penny, I don't pick it up so that I will have good luck.

So, I'm definitely surprised by my sudden bout of...   unusual thinking.

It all started with Love Actually.

You see, Daniel and I have a Christmas tradition. Every year, we watch Love Actually together.      Every. Single. Year.

Except this past Christmas.

Something kept coming up and then the season was over and we'd missed it for the first time.  19 days after Christmas, my darling Daniel was gone.

So, the idea started floating around my head that there was a connection between missing the movie and losing Daniel.  It was my fault for not making sure we watched it together.

Now, the flood gates have opened.  Suddenly, I've started all these little rituals and my brain is making crazy connections.

Things like.... if I don't say "I love you Daniel" out loud at least twice a day, I will lose my connection to him and won't be able to find him again when I pass on.

Logically, I know these things are irrational.  But I still keep thinking them.

So...  it may be possible that I am going crazy.  But, I think maybe I am just missing my love, actually.

I love you Daniel.