Put on a happy face

Those of us who are left behind when the love of our life is gone share a secret.  We know that there is a point in time where people are just ready for us to get better.  We know that you care for us and don't want to see us sad anymore.  We also know that it's a real downer to hear how broken we are all the time.

So, we start to fake it.  Here, let me translate for you.

I'm doing good!  Thanks for asking.

I know that it's been almost a year, but I still cried the entire drive in to work today.

I'm really settling in to the new routine/new house.

The place is so empty and I am so lonely.

I am in a much healthier place now and getting out more.

I made it out of my pajamas at least once this weekend.

I'm starting to pick up some new hobbies.

I don't do any of the things I used to enjoy because it breaks my heart to do them without him/her.

In fact, I'm thinking about making a change (going back to school, becoming a missionary, getting a dog, writing a book, climbing a mountain, etc.)

I feel unanchored and aimless.  Life has lost all meaning for me.

Really, I am doing fine.

I am never, ever, ever, ever going to be fine about this.  But I acknowledge that it sucks to bring others down with me, so I am just going to smile and fake it.



I love you Daniel.
I miss you with every fiber of my being.